"If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family after the rapture, you need to add those persons [sic] email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture."
I've been thinking about this offer for a good 10 minutes now, and what I can't figure out is how, exactly, the Rapture Letters Service is going to know that it's the first Friday after the rapture. Presumably, the person who runs the ministry is going to be sailing up into the clouds, clothes folded neatly in a pile, so human control is right out. My hope is that the guru of this service has written a program that automatically sends out these letters if he doesn't tell it not to every 24 hours, and that one of these days he's going to forget, or oversleep, and a lot of people will wonder why they hadn't seen anything on the news about this "millions and millions of people disappeared" thing.
And I haven't even started thinking about what the hundred-pound hailstones are going to do to Internet access. Encourage your loved ones to go wireless now, I say.
Link -- again -- from Long Pauses. I hope he doesn't mind.
Posted by mesh at July 14, 2004 04:55 PM | TrackBackForgive me for perhaps being overly simplistic here, but wouldn't it do more good to tell them about the Lord BEFORE the rapture.
There are so many points along the road where commerce and Christianity collide where I want to vomit.
Posted by: bill colrus at July 14, 2004 05:14 PMMaybe the person who's going to hit the 'send' button isn't a believer. That'd be a job worth doing...
Posted by: jeep at July 14, 2004 05:47 PMHundred-pound hailstones... Are those like 2000 pound bees?
Really, if the administrator of this service is willing to wait until the Friday after the rapture, you only need to tell the computer to relax once a week, but you'd need to do it on a Friday: What if you told the computer to chill on Tuesday, and then we're all called home on Thurday afternoon?
Posted by: Robert at July 14, 2004 06:39 PMI think I read somewhere that a 2000-pound bee would implode under the weight of its own exoskeleton. But I could be wrong.
By the way, Rob, the second week in August is wide open for your visit. We shall tour the fine restaurants of Chattanooga, particularly the ones with half-priced well drinks.
Posted by: mesh at July 14, 2004 06:47 PM