And now it's time for that exciting monthly feature, News from Our Former Colonial Oppressors. Great Britain is apparently still recovering from the excitement of the annual race for the Christmas Number One, the top-selling single for the week of December 25. Why the most popular song should matter more on Christmas than any other day is an open question, but London bookmakers were taking bets on the outcome for weeks.
The eventual winners were Michael Andrews and Gary Jules singing "Mad World," a Tears for Fears cover that they originally put on the Donnie Darko soundtrack three years ago. (Since this track has been on just about ever lugubrious mix that Ryan Davidson has made in the last few years, I suppose this makes him the hippest man in England. Bend it like Rye-Dawg!) "Mad World" won despite being kinda old, really sad and having nothing whatsoever to do with Christmas.
This last fact was noted repeatedly by members of The Darkness, whose rocker "Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End)" finished second. "It's a great song," said lead singer Justin Hawkins said of "Mad World," "but how Christmassy is it? Not very is the answer, not very Christmassy at all." This unassailable argument was ignored by Britons, who apparently preferred to spend Christmas weeping and overdosing on sleeping pills.
Amidst this landscape of sorrow and malaise wanders our faithful Canadian correspondent Julian, who has been sleeping through his orientation lectures at Oxford. He has also been visiting several historical landmarks and, as usual, is unimpressed.
I've now had about three days of "orientation" here, very dreary. The usual condescending practice of reciting information we've either already received or will figure out for ourselves in the course of our studies. I did visit the Tower of London yesterday, but must say at the danger of appearing to be a cliched version of myself that I didn't find it particularly exciting. I only enjoy historical artifacts when I can touch them - if they're not going to let me bounce on Sir Walter Raleigh's bed I may as well just look at a picture in an encyclopedia. Of course, allowing me this kind of access would mean that the objects would deteriorate and might not be accessible for future generations, but a) future generations can take care of themselves and b) if they're interested in bouncing on my bed 1000 years from now they're welcome to it.
And there you have it: the news from London. The British are severely depressed, and boring in situations involving their beds. Another reason to see America first.
Posted by mesh at January 14, 2004 10:03 AM | TrackBackWow, an entire brilliant piece on Great Britain WITHOUT a tie-in to their pathological post-colonial self-loathing. Impressive!
Posted by: JosiahQ at January 14, 2004 10:35 AM